Home sick

David just ran out the door to church and Lucas woke up from his nap just in time. So I am home sick all alone and the quietness is wrapping around me like a warm blanket. I have been working a lot and so when I'm home I like to have non-stop Lucas time. And last night felt like non-stop lucas time too... we seem to vacillate between the encouragement of him sleeping through the night, and the fretfulness of him reverting to being up every 3-4 hours crying his soul out for reasons that I frantically try to figure out. Then I go through this war of what is the right way to comfort him-  what does he need? If I change his diaper will he wake up and get more upset? If I feed him am I starting a cycle of him needing to eat again in the middle of the night? Is he waking up cause I fed him last night and he wants it now too? Or is he really hungry? Should I let him sleep with me and get to crawl back in bed myself for 15 extra minutes? Or should I teach him how to self soothe in his own bed? Ahhh... and I'm sick and so tired that I don't even remember what I did in the middle of the night...  how many times did I feed him? Shoot was that only an hour ago? Did we both fall asleep with him eating and I forgot to burp him? oh no, is he one of those babies that will only go to sleep with food?

So the quiet is intoxicatingly restful and worry-less.

The one good thing about working more is that I get a rush of love every day that I come home. Lucas sees me walk through the door and brightens up- I swear there are sun beams shining out of his orifices.

                         Are you ready for some sunshine? ---------

 The last two days I worked were training for Forensic Photography. It's part of my sexual assault nurse examiner course and I got to practice with my own camera--- or lyd's camera that she is letting me use. I am so excited to learn how to use my camera take beautiful pictures... not forensically but to capture the expressions and moments with my baby that imprint themselves everyday into my soul. Here are just a few of the best.

he's still learning where his gums end and his gag reflex starts

Sitting up so strong

Dad's favorite choice of chair.

Beautiful sweater knit by Lori Adams

"There must be something interesting here... still trying to figure it out what Dad sees in this"

We're still trying to figure out whose face it is... David thinks he looks polish.